She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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