So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
