Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
