He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize