Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
