if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
