Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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