cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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