Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
