when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
