New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
