I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
