I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
