sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
