The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
pray to the hookup gods
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
