im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
