Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
