well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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