i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
