Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize