I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
