You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
