I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
