That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
