He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
