Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
