I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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