he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
