i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
