woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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