and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
