You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
