found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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