It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
