i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
