if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
