I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
