I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
