Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
