You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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