Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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