Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
