and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
