i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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