Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
