I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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