You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
