brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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