You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
