So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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