you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
