Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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