yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
