she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
