3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize