my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
