pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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