i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
