Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
