Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
