You're my little dorito
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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